Thousands of thoughts race through our heads every day. When many revolve around how worthless we are or how hopeless our situation is, you can bet depression isn’t far behind. You might think that negative thoughts -- such as "I'll never amount to anything", "Nobody likes me", or "I can't do anything right" -- are just part of the package when you're depressed. But the truth is, you can learn to recognize and change your negative thoughts -- and chip away at your depression in the process.

A therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy can be especially helpful. Cognitive therapy is based on the idea that thoughts influence mood and behavior and that correcting negative judgments about ourselves and situations can change our outlook on the world. There are also things you can do on your own to identify and change negative thoughts for the better.

Before you can change a negative thought, of course, you have to be aware of it. Often our thoughts rush by so quickly they can be hard to identify. Try this: The next time you find your mood sinking, ask yourself what you were just thinking about. Chances are you were sending yourself a disapproving message that helped worsen your mood. Maybe it was something like, "I'm so stupid for missing that exit!" or, "I can't believe I turned in that paper with a typo. I'm always messing up!" Take a minute to think about the truth of those statements. Negative thinking doesn't hold up well in a logic test. If you were driving with a friend who missed an exit, would you tell her she was stupid? Are typos really such a big deal?

Ed Beckham, a licensed psychotherapist, and social worker Cecilia Beckham, both practicing in Oklahoma, have written extensively on depression and how to cope with negative thoughts. They say it's important to remember that our thoughts about an event are different than the reality of the event itself. And it’s our thoughts that affect our mood.

Take a situation where a person is playfully pushed into a swimming pool at an informal backyard party. One person might react with fear or anger, one might feel embarrassed, while another may feel like the life of the party. The event itself stays the same -- it's the person's thoughts that color his reaction. And in depressed people, thoughts often reflect a negative or pessimistic response that doesn’t really fit the situation. The key to changing negative or pessimistic thoughts is not to pretend everything is perfect, but to reframe thinking in a more realistic way. "It's too bad I missed that exit, but I can turn around at the next one." Or, "I'm not perfect, and I'm bound to make a mistake once in a while."

By consciously changing negative thoughts to more realistic ones every time you catch them, you can begin to subtly shift your mental landscape.

Negative thoughts often have one or more of the following characteristics:

All-or-nothing thinking. Do you think you’re a failure if you finish in second place? Do you worry that a simple disagreement with a friend can wreck the relationship? If so, you're engaging in all-or-nothing thinking. Remember that life isn’t black and white. Even if you didn’t win a game or a promotion, you came close, and you can do even better next time. And it’s unrealistic to expect that friends will always agree about everything.

Overgeneralization. "Every time I try something new, I fail," is an example of an overgeneralization. If you failed at everything you tried to do in your life, you wouldn't know how to tie your shoes, walk, read, or do much of anything. Extreme words like “nothing,” “always,” and “never” tend to pop up in generalizations.

Ignoring the positive and focusing only on the negative. Out of ten tasks, you do nine things right but only think about the one thing you did wrong. You don't need to gloss over your mistake, but try to put it in perspective -- you were 90 percent right, and that's very good.

Mind-reading and fortune-telling. It’s only natural to wonder what other people think of you. When you're depressed, your tendency is to assume the worst. For instance, if you wear a new outfit to work and someone looks up as you walk in, you may think, "She thinks I look fat in this," when that's simply not true. Likewise, when we engage in fortune-telling, we predict that events will have the most negative outcome possible. "I'm going to look foolish in this meeting," instead of, "I'm nervous about this meeting, but I've prepared as well as I can and will do my best."

Emotional reasoning. We use emotional reasoning when we let our feelings—not reality— dictate our thoughts. For instance, you may feel that someone doesn't like you even though he hasn't done anything to show it -- and in fact he might be surprised to hear you felt that way. You may feel worthless even though your friends and family could list dozens of reasons why they love and admire you. When you recognize that you're using emotional reasoning -- reaching conclusions based on emotions rather than reason -- stop and question those thoughts. Would an outsider reach the same conclusion?

Exaggerating and catastrophizing. When you're depressed, a minor obstacle can seem insurmountable, and a small setback can seem disastrous. If your boss gives you constructive criticism, you might exaggerate it in your mind, thinking, "Man, he really chewed me out! I messed up big time."

When you catastrophize, you react to an event by imagining worse and worse outcomes. Ed and Cecilia Beckham give this extreme example of how someone who is catastrophizing might react to news that there may be layoffs at work:

I'm going to be laid off.

I won't be able to find another job.

I will lose my house.

My wife will become disgusted with me.

She'll leave me.

I'll be all alone.

I'll start drinking again.

I'll end up a drunk in the gutter.

And then I'll die.

While this example may be extreme, it's a good illustration of how catastrophizing thoughts can gather momentum like a runaway train. But if you recognize the process as it's happening, you can stop those thoughts, consider a more realistic reaction, and steer yourself in that direction. You might volunteer for extra projects at work and polish your resume -- both are reasonable, constructive responses to rumors of layoffs. Then when you find those catastrophic thoughts creeping in, you can stop and reassure yourself that you've prepared as well as you can.

You won't be able to change all of your negative thoughts overnight. (And, above all, don't beat yourself up for having them in the first place.) For the next few days, keep a pad of paper and a pencil handy. When you notice a negative thought, write it down. Just being aware of negative thoughts can be helpful.

When you become more practiced at recognizing a negative thought, try substituting a more realistic message to yourself. It can be helpful to write down both the negative thought and a more realistic version of that thought. Reframing your thoughts in a more positive and realistic way may take a while to become a habit, but over time can do a lot to help you manage depression.

Future classes:

Managing Depression 101, Part 3: The Exercise Prescription

Managing Depression 101, Part 4: What Role Does Diet Play?

Managing Depression 101, Part 5: Complementary Treatments

-- Nancy Montgomery is a senior editor at Consumer Health Interactive

References

First published December 18, 2009
Copyright © 2009 Consumer Health Interactive

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