My daughter is 15-years-old and she is at home during the spring break and during the summer months. She eats all the time and I can't seem to get it though to her that it is bad for her health. She weighs probably 250-280 pounds and wears a size 24 pants. I try to tell her in a calm manner that it is bad for her health but she says that her weight doesn't bother her. She has some friends that are very skinny and one that is not. She is a very beautiful girl and I feel like she would feel better about herself if she was smaller. I feel like I have let her get this way, but, I can't watch her all the time. I feel like she needs to want to lose weight or it won't work. I try to get her to go on diets with me but she just eats and eats. She couldn't be that hungry. Please help me for I am very worried.

This is a common issue for many parents, and I know it is also a difficult one. There really are no easy answers, but let me try to offer some suggestions.

First, it's worth remembering that even though she is almost an adult, you are still the one in charge of her upbringing, and you are also the one who is her most important role model in life. You can do a lot to support her health without simply telling her what to do.

For example, you can make sure that all the food at home is healthy food, so she won't be tempted to overeat unhealthy foods. Get rid of juices and deserts and have only water to drink in the house. Second, you can pack her a healthy lunch for school and not provide money that she could use for unhealthy snacks she might want to buy outside of the home. Third, you can plan physical activities that the two of you can participate in together -- such as walking or biking after school or on weekends when you both have unscheduled time. Fourth, you could ban TV from your house -- as you probably have heard in the news, the more TV that people watch, the more likely that they are to be obese. This is probably due to all of the messages that are transmitted through advertising to eat more, and also due to the fact that when you are watching TV you are not burning very many calories. Make sure that she knows that you care enough about her health to make sacrifices yourself -- but be compassionate and understanding of how difficult it is to lose weight.

It is also a very good idea to speak with your daughter's doctor about this issue. Often, obesity coexists with other problems, such as depression, in teenagers, and the obesity may be difficult to address without actually treating the depression. Sometimes dysfunctional family relationships or dysfunctional peer relationships are at the root of obesity problems, and family counseling can help to overcome these problems. Also, there are specific programs in some communities for teenagers -- one well known program is the "Shape Down" Program, which you will find listed on the internet and is available in many communities. In addition, other programs such as Weight Watchers can help. You might want to check out the "Shape Up America” website for types of organized weight management programs. Your physician may have some experience with programs in your area and be able to offer you some suggestions.

I wish you the best in working on this with your daughter. If you have any thoughts or questions for us after reading my suggestions, I'd be very glad to hear them and do my best to respond.

And thanks for asking.

Dr. Mike Potter

-- Michael Potter, MD, is an associate professor at the University of California at San Francisco Medical Center.

First published March 29, 2005
Last updated June 28, 2007
Copyright © 2005 Consumer Health Interactive